When You’re Close to Tears, Remember…

HIGH

Lighthouse

When you’re close to tears remember
Some day it’ll all be over
One day ‘we’re gonna get so high
And though it’s darker than December
What’s ahead is a different colour
One day ‘we’re gonna get so high

And at
The end of the day
We’ll remember the days
We were close to the edge
And we’ll wonder how we made it through
And at
The end of the day
We’ll remember the way
We stayed so close to till the end
We’ll remember it was me and you

‘Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You’ll always keep me flying high in the sky of love

Don’t you think it’s time you started
Doing what we always wanted
One day ‘we’re gonna get so high
‘Cause even the impossible is easy
When we got each other
One day ‘we’re gonna get so high

And at
The end of the day
We’ll remember the days
We were close to the edge
And we’ll wonder how we made it through
And at
The end of the day
We’ll remember the way
We stayed so close to till the end
We’ll remember it was me and you

‘Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love

High, high, high, high…

Today, I turn another year older, and I learn a little bit more.  I don’t know how far I’ve come, or even if I moved from the place I was at the beginning.  It’s a little bit sad, but it’s time to face facts.

Someone I know told me that I’m a bit ungrateful.  Because I have so much.  Yet I focus on the things I lack.  There are so many things that should make me happy, but I refuse to let them, because I look at others, compare myself to them, and realize that I don’t have enough.  I wonder why I’m always so focused on other people.  I feel like it’s what hinders me to truly appreciate what is within me, which would ultimately allow me to love myself.

A few friends tell me that I’m “too hard” on myself because I blame myself for every single thing.  Every.  Single.  Thing.  But mostly, for the bad things that come my way.  I guess I drank too much of the “take responsibility for your actions” potion when I drank the elixir of life.  FUCK.

I don’t know how to change it.  But I want to.

I was on the verge of pitying myself again today.  I was thinking, “Shit.  I’m so unloved.  This is such an ordinary day.  If I was special, why didn’t anyone surprise me?”  Or something to that effect.  Self-pitying galore, man.  But, immediately, I stopped myself as I remembered what I vowed to do last night – STOP. GOSHDARN. COMPARING. MYSELF. TO. OTHERS.  We’re all different, and I shouldn’t base my happiness on what other people do for me, what other people have that I don’t, or what other people experience that I haven’t.  FUCK THIS.  I should be happy for myself.

And I guess I’m pretty okay.  It was a mellow birthday, nothing too special happened.  But it wasn’t depressing.  I spent it with the people I care about.  I had fun and shared a few laughs.  I was complimented on.  I felt pretty.  I don’t feel older.  But I feel like I’ve realized a lot.  I don’t know if I’ve learned all I can from my mistakes.  But I’ve come to understand myself a little more each day.  I don’t exactly love myself, but I don’t hate me either.  I’m okay.  I know I’m special, but I just don’t know what makes me special YET.  I’ll soon find it, I guess.  I don’t know how to start.  But it just probably has to be from myself.

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