Too Much to Handle?

So I can’t believe a lot of things transpired this weekend.  Too much.  And I don’t think it helped that I was feeling a bit vulnerable myself so I wasn’t able to process things a lot more clearly.  I hate this.  I feel like I should just duck and hide myself from the rest of the world.

Not only do I feel a whole lot embarrassed, realizing that I must be just another “girl-victim” to a guy I used to/kinda like/was hoping to have something with, I’ve also blurted out things that I’m not too proud of.  I know in my heart that they don’t mean a thing, but knowing a lot of them, they’re gonna think it’s a Freudian slip and think too much about it.  GROWL.  I hate it when things like these happen.  It’s not as if it got out of hand but I feel like it’s starting to slip from off my hands.  And I don’t like feeling like I have no control.

It pisses me off to realize how undone I’ve become and how much I’ve been subconsciously struggling to put myself back together.  Have I been turning a blind eye to the problems that face me?  I feel like it’s all so psychological and mental, which is why I’m having such a hard time dealing with all of it.  It sucks, let me tell you.  It sucks to high heavens.

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