The Old Word for “Love”

They say that “Venus” is an old word for “love.”  It saddens me now to realize that we don’t use it as often as it was meant to be used.  I mean, it’s the original word.  It’s the idea that produced this universal word that all of us yearn to experience and can never quite fully understand.  It’s a word that encompasses a multitude of actions, of emotions, of thoughts, of hopes and dreams, of prayers and promises, of a thousand different kinds of pleasures, and a million tortures that we never seem to want to run away from.

The word “love” and its meaning is larger than us human beings.  It is larger than life.  It is larger than our world.  It’s a different world.  It has its own life, its own realm that invites us in, that attracts us, that we enter into at our own risk.  Or sometimes, not at all.  “Love” is like a planet – a huge mass that is ever-changing, ever-growing, ever-breathing, everlasting.  Love is Venus.

It is amazing how much more insightful early humans were – easily amazed at the simplest wonders of the universe, and so respectful of what they do not know and cannot comprehend.  The sky was magic to them.  The galaxies were miracles.  The twinkling stars in the atmosphere lit up their lives and brought sparkles in their eyes.  Everything was awesome.  And what was awesome was likened – and christened – after “love,” a phenomenon as grand as the universe that can be experienced here on earth.

Venus is Love.

And every day, love is present, not only in our hearts we often hear from others, but in the sky.  Always.  Beside the moon, among the stars, most visible in the night when everything is silent and when the beating of the heart resonates the loudest.  It is at night that we are able to take a break from work, from our duties and responsibilities, and gaze up at the sky, have a glimpse of the universe, and be reminded that we are in the presence of Love.

It’s an amazing thought, isn’t it?  It’s an insight to the human mind long before the days of sophisticated technology dawned, long before we wanted to know more and forgot what once amazed us.

We are in the presence of Love.

Always.

I confess that I haven’t been in love.  Not long enough for me to realize that it was love, and therefore not enough for me to conclude that I have ever experienced it.  No, I don’t think I have ever felt it.  I might have been close, but it wasn’t quite it.

It has been about three years since then and it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.  I’m not saying I’m an expert in love.  On the contrary, I think I’m the one who least understands it.  I’m too idealistic to accept the realities of love.  I give rational advice, but I can never follow them myself.  I imagine my partners as more romantic than they are ever able capable of.  I imagine myself as “perfect” and therefore deserving of everything that’s good.  But throughout these months that turned into years, I have realized that it was I who kept myself from falling in love.  I always wanted to keep myself in the periphery, safe from the “danger zone,” afraid to get hurt by the one thing that I’ve always been yearning to experience.

I’m not saying that I’m ready to let go of all that.  I can’t even if I wanted to.  I’m just saying that I’m ready to take the journey by first letting go of all the heavy baggage that have been weighing me down.  I’m going to try to let go of this earth, travel to the atmosphere, journey to outerspace, in the hopes of reaching my destination – Venus, the origin of “Love.”  Maybe it will happen, and maybe it won’t.  I can’t say for certain that I am going to succeed, or even if it will be an easy journey.  I’m sure I’ll need to catch my breath along the way, look back at where I came from, and allow myself to float in the sky without the security of gravity.  “I wanna know what it’s like on the inside of love.”


“Inside of Love”


Original Working Script
Italics Removed

I hear it often, “silence is golden.” I thought it was a figure of speech, you now, a metaphor? But sometimes, I guess they can take on a literal meaning. It’s hard to imagine right? I never would’ve thought of this angle if it didn’t happen to me.

Me, who is so talkative and full of words. Me, who constantly writes on her journals and who has made it her personal goal to sabotage as many silent retreats as her friends and teachers, and heck, even parents, force her to go on. Me, who goes on and on blabbering and blabbering, saying something in so many words.

That’s me, see? See Sarah walk. See Sarah drink. See Sarah lie down and fall asleep. But you won’t see Sarah speak. Nope. Not here. At least, not physically.

Sometimes, it’s like a nightmare, you know? Not being able to understand what the other feels or thinks. Sometimes, it’s maddening to only hear your thoughts. Only yours and only your voice. And only your own panic. And have it choke you in your sleep. And have it haunt you while you dream. And have it have you. Have all of you.

Is it ever really possible to have a relationship devoid of words?

I remember this author once wrote, “If enough people looked at you, you’d never need anybody’s attention ever again.”

What if it were the other way around. Maybe that’s what happened to me.

You know, if he looked at me long enough, I’d never need everybody else’s attention. I wouldn’t need to speak out.

And I would’ve understood all this long ago, if only I’d paid attention.

It was good while it lasted, you know? I guess it would’ve gone better if he didn’t speak.

“Do you trust me?”

“Don’t.”

“Cause this, this is what I do best.”

And it was what he did best. Cause those words echoed and echoed and echoed in the silence until it drowned my own voice and all the sounds that surrounded me. And those are the only things I remember him saying. Ever.

No, it wasn’t his attention that silenced me.

It was never that.


Such a heavy film to write, and a very personal topic at that, but it was amazingly fun to film, thanks to the actors (Jo Ann Cruz and Myk Tiu) and voice talent (Kara Mendoza.)

I’m not saying everything in this blog’s going to be all about love and my thoughts about it.  On the contrary, it’ll be more than that.  It’ll encompass other concepts, ideas, beliefs, emotions, insights, and experiences.

I think it’s appropriate to start this blog with an entry about Love – one of the most universal phenomena known to man.  Nothing can beat the gradiosity of love, and so in a way, the “Universe” is “love.”  Am I wrong to make this assumption that the universe can be likened to a human experience?  I’m not sure.  But for now, that is what I say.  Maybe in the coming months, I’ll become more educated as I make my way through the “universe.”

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